"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
Most church leaders are not allowed to be vulnerable. Our culture insists on an air of confidence, no matter what. Put on an air of confidence, no matter what. Yet, Jesus teaches humility, community, and vulnerability as the marks of true maturity. In Dare to Lead, researcher Brené Brown argues that courageous leaders allow vulnerability in themselves and encourage it in others. Her research suggests it is essential to a thriving work culture. Through this series of blogs, we will explore four skills you must practice to lead courageously: 1) facing vulnerability, 2) choosing and practicing values, 3) building trust, and 4) developing resilience. Together, we will explore how using these skills effectively can help you learn to overcome difficult situations and encourage creativity and innovation. Part II focuses on choosing and practicing values, building trust, and developing resilience.
What Are Your Values?
Dealing with vulnerability takes practice and persistence. Another skill of daring to lead is identifying and honing in on core values so that you can be more resilient.
What are the things you'd put on your list of values?
You're undoubtedly thinking of quite an extensive list of things you value. It's easy to rattle off values; the tricky thing is narrowing them down to a few core values. A solid sense of values is essential because they force us to focus on what matters when things get tough. We often pick the easy route when faced with adversity, so having a clear sense of values allows us to focus on those. Without core values, we tend toward expediency and despair when the results shake our foundations. While starting with a list of values is a good idea, the next step is critically evaluating each and picking which two are the driving forces. This takes some patience and discipline, but it's worth it because a clear sense of values also allows us to communicate much more effectively with others. If community values are "honesty" and "wellbeing," these could translate into open communication, critical feedback, and allowing ministry staff to leave work at the workplace and avoid working overtime. If truth and transparency are the values, someone could translate them into encouraging open communication (without judgment) to get all viewpoints on the table in search of the truth. Understanding core values allows everyone to self-evaluate and consider whether our actions align with what's essential to your church's ministry.
Trust and Connection
How trustworthy are you?
Most of us consider ourselves to be trustworthy. However, in trust, there's always a weak link. In Game of Thrones, when Varys asks Tyrion how many others knew about John Snow's lineage, Tyrion tells him 'eight.' Varys famously responds, 'So it's not a secret, it's information.' Knowledge is power, and trust is challenging to build. Most of us refrain from discussing trust issues and skirt around the subject. As with everything, Brown encourages us to acknowledge the proverbial elephant in the room and communicate feelings of trust and insecurity.
A leader who dares to lead communicates about trust and doesn't gloss over weaknesses and potential problems. For example, a leader may not trust someone to lead a project. But, instead of saying, 'I don't trust you with this,' she'll say something like, 'Your time management is a problem, so we need to work on that for you to take the lead.' Building trust among a team takes time and is reflected in small, consistent acts. Being connected and having trust happen simultaneously, and this happens through open communication and being fearless.
Remember, fearless does not mean thoughtless or inconsiderate. It means telling the truth with love.
BRAVING: Resilience
Often, we want to appear strong or find it difficult to critique other people honestly because we're afraid of hurting their feelings. The acronym BRAVING (Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vaulting, Integreity, Non-Judgment, and Generosity) can help create trust and connection.
Boundary setting is vital for everyone. It allows us to say "no" and know when we're pushing other people's boundaries. Clarity is one of the first things we must determine when building trust. You can only collaborate if you know what a person's limits are.
Reliability means everyone follows deadlines and fulfills their roles and duties. If someone can prove that they're reliable, this garners trust.
Next comes accountability. When we aren't reliable, we must be held accountable for our actions, apologize when needed, and aim to rectify mistakes. Throwing others under the bus for our errors is one of the most untrustworthy things we can do.
Vault-closing means others can trust us with secrets and information. If someone tells you something in confidence, we need to keep that information secret and not disclose anything that isn't ours to announce. This leads us to integrity.
Integrity means sticking to our values even when they're complicated.
Finally, there's non-judgment and generosity. Rather than being judgmental, be curious. Ask questions and find out why someone acted in the way they did. Refrain from jumping to conclusions. This leads us to generosity, which means working in a positive and empathetic manner.
If you operate within the framework of BRAVING, people will turn to you and respect you. And remember, leap into failure as quickly as possible. You'll inspire others to take risks and seek creativity and innovation by showing that you can fail.
In Conclusion
Dare to Lead is an incredibly human-centered approach to effective leadership. It examines what makes us human and offers a gentler approach to getting what we need from others. It's not forceful or aggressive, yet it's the most effective way to nurture the best elements of human nature and collaboration.
Brown shows us that being vulnerable is the bravest thing we can do. We all need to strive to expose our weaknesses and genuinely self-evaluate ourselves. It's not about that typical scenario where we disguise strengths as weaknesses; it's about acknowledging our faults and leading by example.
So focus on communication and empathy, interrogate your values, and take charge by cultivating trust and resilience. Power needs to be summoned, and we do this through accepting and embracing our vulnerabilities. By pragmatically scrutinizing our feelings, we're better equipped to deal with them rather than numbing them.
The new definition of a great leader is one who dares greatly and leads gently.
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